just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
