Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
