I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
