now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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