it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
