you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
