Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
