i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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