Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize