Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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