He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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