so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
