after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
