can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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