My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
This is my gift to your gina
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
