The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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