yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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