sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
