Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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