K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
