She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Dicks are not precious.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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