The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
