she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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