I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
