Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
