I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
