I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
