I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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