Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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