i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Can I color on your dick again?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
