i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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