we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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