She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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