I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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