Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
