I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
