Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
