Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
