You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
