Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
