I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize