based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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