Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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