the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
