Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
