the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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