Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i think my cat just said my name.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
