Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
