And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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