apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
