so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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