if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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