my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
