This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
