At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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