I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
