can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
