I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
