I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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