I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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