My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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