I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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