they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
