Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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