There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
