I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
