Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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