That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
