I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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