can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
