So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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