These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
