I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I don't deserve a penis
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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