they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
